I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
