Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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