I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
