90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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