im drinking this country out of the recession.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
