Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
