and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
