I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
