I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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