i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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