I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
