New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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