Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
