3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
