but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
