not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
