I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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