none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
