this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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