did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
