Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
