also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
