I think i sorta joined a cult last night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
