He called his prostate his "boner button".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
