I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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