please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
