Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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