I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
