Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
