We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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