it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
