proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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