Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
