spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
