it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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