This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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