woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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