Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
