Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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