I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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