its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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