Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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