Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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