This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
