I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
