Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
