im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
