Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I party with great urgency now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
