I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
