She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
