i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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