Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
