I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
