The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
