Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
