Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
