I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
