careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
