Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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