Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
