My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
