census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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