So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
