arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
