I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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