We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
