I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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