This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
