words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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