My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
