He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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