My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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