planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
