a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
