i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
