Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
