so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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