i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
