I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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