12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize