we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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